YPMS: Your Problem, My Solution - 1
Welcome to the first YPMS blog post!
I asked my Instagram followers @purpleisweird to send me over their problem and so they did!
Remember that you can send your questions through social media or the via the from on this website that you can find HERE
Here are today's questions.
It’s my friend’s birthday party on Saturday but I don’t know who will be there. I’m getting panicky about it. What if there is someone there who dislike me greatly?
The problem here is the fear of judgment. Are you really afraid of other judgments, though? Most of the time, we project our own fears and judgments on others. If I think I’m not that pretty, I will think people feel the same and then the people around me will probably do. This is not because I’m not pretty but because this is the message I’m giving out to people. We have a lot of ways to communicate: language, body, and soul (or you can also call it vibration, or aura, or charisma). Have you ever met that strange goofy guy that everyone loves? He is not handsome nor well-dressed, yet everyone adores him and want to hang out with him. How is that possible? Simple: he loves himself. Sounds easy but it’s one of the most difficult things to do because society is teaching us every day how to hate ourselves giving us unreachable people to compare ourselves with. Just be honest with yourself about your fears. Why are you really afraid? What is it that you don’t like about yourself? Once you discover your fear, tell yourself that you accept it in order to not go against your fears but embracing them willing to love yourself.
Remember to dress comfortably to feel at ease. You could also choose your favorite outfit to really feel confident. When we are scared to meet new people, small tricks can really be useful like bringing in your bag your lucky charm, listening to your favorite song before arriving at the party, dancing like nobody's watching in your bedroom to de-stress before the party. Also, you could tell your friend about your fear of meeting new people. If she knows how you feel, she can help you out introducing you to them.
Being afraid of what people think about you can prevent you from experiencing the most important events of your life. In this party, you could find your soulmate. Or maybe having one of the best nights of your life and make some new friends.
Once you arrive there with a big smile on your face and a positive attitude, everyone will want to meet you! Positive people attract positive people 😊 Let me know how the party went!
How to prevent my big heart from breaking?
The problem here is how to control your emotions. People with big hearts are most usually the emphatic ones. This is because you are willing to feel all the emotions of a relationship, whatever they will be. To avoid so, when you love someone, you have to put boundaries. People often think that being in a relationship means being the same person while it’s not. Being in a relationship means that two people decide to take the journey of life together, hands in hands, by doing parallel journeys that never becomes the same one. When you love someone, you can give them your heart because if they break it then what will you have then? When starting a relationship or a friendship, tell yourself that you are willing to open your good heart to them but that you will keep your heart for you and will protect it. Self-love must always come first. Once you love yourself, you can love others.
Rebelle Rose asks:
How do I stop spending money?
Compulsive spending disorder is the habit of losing control over buying. Keep purchasing things that we don’t actually need can lead to a stressful life both for the economic and psychological aspects of it. We need here to understand more of the reasons that push you to buy these things.
You might want to ask yourself some questions.
Do you think you deserve that money? If you give it away so fast maybe it’s because you think you are not worthy enough.
What is your relationship to self-control? The way we act towards ourselves reflects on the money. You could be a person that is seeking happiness. Buying a new dress can give you a strong sense of happiness that it’s just like a drug: it feels amazing but after a short time it disappears and you feel worse than before.
Money is not always a bad thing. We are all born to live in abundance and profit from money in a good way. The key to prosperity is also giving. Why the next time you have the impulse to buy a new pair of shoes you don’t need you to decide instead of giving that money to charity or buy something for a person you love? In this case, you will experience a way to control your desire to buy by redirecting it in and at the same time, you will see how spending money can also be a good experience instead of just being something that makes you stressed out. Enjoy the money you have, spend the amount you need and try to save a little bit each month. Start with 10$ the first month. Once you did it, try to save 11$ the next month and so on. Let me know your progress!
I cry involuntarily at work and at home. I’m alone and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I have a few friends but we are not so close. How can I have a good friend?
True friendship is one of the most beautiful things in this world. A true friend makes life less scary, always being by your side. From what you tell me, you always have some friends but they don’t seem to understand your pain. First of all, we have to avoid all misunderstanding. Try to tell your friends how you feel, they probably have no idea. You will be surprised to know how many people feel alone and cry when they are home. However, if your friends are not willing to help you in your sad days, then you have to cut them out of your life. No regrets; if you keep having around you toxic people, your life will be just as toxic. You deserve to have real friends by your side and I am sure you will find them. Try to meet new people with whom you share an interest. If you love yoga, then go do soma yoga classes, if you love music, go to a concert etc. At first, try to talk to everyone. Then, slowly, pick the people who can really be good friends. Don’t be scared to open up with them, it’s the most efficient way to find out people who are not willing to start a true friendship. Having a friend, it’s like having a boyfriend/girlfriend: it takes a lot of commitments from both sides and not always everyone is ready for that.
Honey Rose asks:
How can I make someone like me?
Hello, Honey Rose.
There are tons of ways (even psychological) to lead someone like you. Is it really worth it? I could tell you the perfect makeup, dress and sensual way to approach a person in order to make them fall in love with you but will it really be true love? I doubt. True love will come whenever you are ready. The most wonderful way to make someone fall in love with you is just by being yourself.
My exams are approaching but I’m not able to study. There are too many distractions. What should I do?
The real issue here is why you are distracted? That is probably because you don’t love what you are doing. Sadly, we can’t really choose to go to high school or not so it’s something you have to do. If you are going to college then maybe your distraction comes from the fear of failing, fear of having to figure out what to do after college or fear of confronting a specific professor. Either way, there is something you can do to try to improve your studying time.
First of all, try to study in a room with no distractions. If you are at home, lock yourself in a room with no phone (you can give it to your parents for example) and no PC.
You can also set yourself ‘min goals’. You can say that you will study for 30 minutes with no distraction and if you manage to do it then you can do 5 minutes pause. After a few days, you can go up to 40 minutes etc.
Organize your studying. Better do something good than ten bad. So pick up a subject and finish that one before starting a new one.
Doing a quick run or some sports before studying can help you avoid stress while you are on your books.
Keep a positive mindset while studying. You are learning new things!
How to get over a fictional character crush?
Being in love with a fictional character is something that the majority of us have felt at least once. Although some may think it’s something positive, I’d have to disagree. Fantasies about a fictional character can damage the way you interact with real people. TV characters create in our minds a type of person that doesn’t exist in real life which lead to deception and a never-ending quest on finding someone who talks, acts and looks like that specific character meaning that because of it, we could not see that our soulmate was standing just in front of us. There is nothing wrong with admiring and sympathizing with a fictional character but you have to set specific boundaries to avoid it to become a real love/obsession. It’s okay to be sad after saying goodbye to your fictional crush but it’s for the best. The real world has in store for you wonderful things; you just have to go out there to find them!
Moon Child asks:
How to survive a stressful year in high school?
Hello, Moon Child.
High school can be really intimidating, especially if we think of the number of years we have to spend there. The good news? It could also be the best experience of your life!
Between exams, young people trying to find themselves during puberty and controlling parents, you have to be focused on your own well-being. Take always the time to watch on yourself and check that everything is fine. Are you eating well? Do you sleep enough? If not, take action to change your lifestyle.
If you have a hobby, hold on to it. If you don’t, try to find it. There is nothing better after a stressful day at school, to find your energy while doing the thing you love the most. It could be singing, volleyball or whatever makes you feel good.
When things get pretty tough and you can’t seem to find a solution to your stressful life, talk to your friends, parents and the school counselor. You are never alone and people around you know how hard high school can be. Talking to teachers is also a great thing you could try. When I was in high school, some of my teachers were literally my best friends.
Keep a positive attitude when in school so that you will attract new people to your life. Making new friends is the perfect way to overcome high school.
Little Monster asks:
How to keep the readers entertained throughout the story?
Hello, Little Monster.
The keys are:
1) Find a good story idea. You can find the link to how to do it here: https://www.violamusaraj.com/blog/how-to-find-story-ideas
2) Choose the good length that the readers expect for that specific genre: You can find the link to how to do it here: https://www.violamusaraj.com/blog/how-long-should-my-book-be
3) Write a good story. You can find the link to how to do it here: https://www.violamusaraj.com/blog/how-to-write-good-stories
4) Write good dialogues. You can find the link to how to do it here: https://www.violamusaraj.com/blog/how-to-write-good-dialogues-in-a-story
5) Write about credible characters. You can find the link to how to do it here: https://www.violamusaraj.com/blog/character-charts-how-to-create-a-character-profile-for-books-wattpad-and-episode-stories
And that’s it!
I was in an online relationship and one day I found out he blocked me from everything so I couldn’t reach him anymore. How can I be over him?
Someone would say that online relationships are not reliable and this is why it happened but the good news (and also bad) is that guys disappear even in real life!
If you have his address you could send him a letter or try to contact someone he knows; but do you really want to chase someone who doesn’t want to be chased? He has probably moved on then why shouldn't you do the same? In order to get over him, you have to accept the fact that it’s not your fault if he ran away. There could be a million reasons why he did that and none of them matter since you are not his priority.
Love is not made to make you suffer. It should make you feel alive and happy.
Give yourself time to suffer and deal with the grief. Take the time to be alone with your feelings and accept that he is gone. Once you are ready, try to meet new people. Why not try a real-life relationship this time? 😉
Let me know if my solutions worked for you and share your personal suggestions :)